The psyche of a torpé – Why it’s okay for girls to make the first move

A scene from the manga Love Lucky

The first month of 2011 is almost over, and with February just around the corner, Valentine’s Day should not be far.

For some, Valentine’s is that time of the year when love is extra special – dates are grander, kisses are sweeter, hugs are tighter, and sex is a lot wilder/naughtier – but this applies to those who have partners, spouses or lovers. But what about those who are loveless?

Well, they go out and eat with their families, treat themselves to some movie or meal, or spend their time walking the dog, patting the cat…Ah Phooey!

If you’re going to be alone on Valentine’s, might as well stay at home. Don’t kill yourself in envy as you look at couples giggling and smooching inside malls or at parks. And don’t even bother going out on your own. Some person might mistake you for staring at his/her date.

So as early as now, why not make that move and get yourself a date?

But don’t expect advice from me. You see, I’m not an expert on pickup lines and courtship. And though my good friend, whom I’ll refer to as G.T.A., is considered as master of such, I didn’t bother asking for his help because his work and studies are keeping him busy.

So instead of trying to act like some mustached-dating expert teaching losers, dorks, nerds and torpé guys to become players, I’m going to do something a bit more convenient for my less confident and fortunate brothers. I’m going to try to convince women to hit on you.

Say wha?

Yes, you heard me right. It’s the 2000s for crying out loud. Women nowadays are recognized as equals of men. Anything men can do, they can do too, if not better. And the flirting arena is no exception.

So when hiding your face behind abanikos ala-Maria Clara is getting you nowhere, Theo Pauline Nestor’s reasons for making the first move should be enough motivation to strut that girl power and go get yourself a Valentine.

1. He’s not good at flirting

Flirting is the most important skill required in initiating relationships. The problem is, not everyone is good at it.

Even a good-looking guy with a lot of bling and dough can have difficulty mustering up the courage to approach a girl, simply because it’s just the way he is.

Who knows, you could’ve come across Mr. Right in numerous occasions, and as a bonus, he liked you too. But since you were waiting for him to make the first move, the match made in heaven never materialized.

A simple “hi” or “hello” followed by a brief introduction should be a sufficient ice-breaker and should get him talking. And if that’s not enough, you can go ask some questions to extract some personal information and comment on some of the things you see around you. Girls are the ones who should be talking a lot in the first place, and it’s the guys who should be on the receiving end of all these sound bites.

Don’t think badly of guys who suck at flirting. For all you know, they could have ample redeeming qualities, like being able to sustain relationships, being good in bed or being the heir to a wealthy tycoon.

2. He’s intimated

You’ve probably heard of the “out of your league” expression. It translates to “Di ka papasa dyan” or “Asa ka pa” in Filipino. And it’s these confidence-crushing words that discourage guys from approaching girls.

A girl may look ordinary in her own eyes and that of others, but not in the eyes of the guy that likes her. To her admirer, the girl may be the closest thing to perfect. So when someone tells him that she’s way out of his league, considering how highly he thinks of her, the premise can make sense even in the absence of substantial proof that he can’t win her heart.

Besides, the common thinking of guys is, if you find a girl hot, chances are, she’s got a boyfriend. And he won’t know otherwise, unless the girl tells him.

3. He’s been treated badly in the past

Another reason that is preventing a guy from making the first move is a painful experience.

He could’ve moved heaven and earth courting a woman, but still got rejected; or loved with all his heart, only to find his girl cheating with his best friend; or lose his fiancé to some dreadful disease.

If you think girls are the only ones who get afraid to fall in love again after a relationship ends, think again. Some guys, and a good number at that, feel the same way. And if you want to mend his broken heart, you might as well take the first step.

These should be enough reasons for you gals to hit on those boys. But while it’s okay to make the first move, courting is still a man’s job. A female could always start something good, but it’s how a male reacts to it that will dictate how and where things will go from there.

And while you’re at it girls, consider getting someone that’s good for you. And when I say good, I mean literally.

Studies show that girls easily fall for bad boys, and we all know what happens when you have bad boys around.

In this new age, it’s better to go head over heart. What you like is not necessarily what’s good for you. Junk food is delicious but not good for the body. And vegetables, though not exactly everyone’s favorite, will do wonders to the body.

So before you diss that nerd, get to know him first. For all you know, you could be better off with him.

Oh, and an advanced Happy Valentine's Day to all.